Having an affair can be devastating but there is hope and how can you have recover, call today.
The fear, the pain of betrayal and the anger is all part of having been cheated on. The effects of an affair are often permanently damaging but can be healed.
In order for a relationship to recover after an affair there needs to be professional intervention where the therapist believes in fidelity. After decades of counselling couples I have learned what it takes for a marriage, a relationship to recover. Take your first step to recovery and call today for your telephone consultation.
- professional help
- problem solving
- establishing clear, assertive, non-violent, truthful communication
- re-igniting passion within the marriage
- healing the wounds of the affair
- moral commitment to each other
- and possibly dealing with addiction
The statistics within the “civilized” world of the percentage of men and women who have had an affair has risen considerably within the last number of years to over 70% for both men and women. Some have argued why bother with monogamy and faithfulness, while others struggle to keep integrity and faithfulness.
Why Do Affairs Happen?
There are numerous reasons why an affair happens. Some contributing factors to an affair can include:
- Basic core needs not met in a marriage.
- Past abuse and trauma that needs to be resolved.
- Moral Relativism.
- Lack of true intimacy.
- Given over to fantasies.
- Spending one-on-one time with a person in the name of “friendship”.
- Intentionally connecting with someone that is not your spouse, it’s an intentional encounter.
- The next and deadly step is where the person openly expresses their desires and feelings for the person they have been attracted to.
- When the affair happens it’s because at least one of the person’s involved acted out their fantasies and verbal expressions in a physical manner.
To recover from an an affair and to make your marriage affair proof in the future, there are some very basic principles that have to be acted upon, believed, and diligently followed.
What Constitutes An Affair?
In 1998 Bill Clinton then president of the United States declared during a televised speech that he did not have sexual relations with Lewinsky. This type of belief has become more prevalent in our society today where some believe, like this former president, that sexual relations only exist where there is sexual intercourse (digital penetration). Sexual relations begin with the fantasy life and communications with the person they desire. This is what can be called an emotional affair. An emotional affair is the beginning of marital unfaithfulness. From there, if it progresses any further, ends up in passionate physical expressions from hugging, holding, kissing, caressing, to other sexual expressions that may or may not end not end in sexual intercourse.
The beginning of an affair is often where there is a lack of intimacy, where each other’s marital needs are not being met which frequently leads to sexual fantasies. An affair begins in the mind, which then leads to interactions with the person you have become attracted to, the time spent communicating with this person becomes more and more frequent and prolonged. The next step is often a point of no return where there is an expression of one’s romantic and sexual desires to the person they have been communicating with. This will often lead to physical expressions of their passions leading to sexual involvement.
There are two levels of an affair, emotional (of the heart) and physical. An emotional affair happens when there is communication of affection. A physical affair occurs when there is an expression of physical affection with someone other than your spouse. The full extent of the affair is where sexual activity is involved, whether touching, oral, or digital penetration occurs.
Although the affair is devastating and things seem irreparable but there is hope for your marriage being restored and the heart being healed.
Boundaries In Marriage
Boundaries in marriage are a vital component for stability and fidelity within a marriage. When a man or a woman wanders outside of the boundaries of their marriage a betrayal takes place which severely wounds the partner, and other family members. An affair is traumatizing and therefore therapeutic healing is necessary in order to move forward in life in a healthy manner. Whether or not you leave the marriage healing needs to happen.
Boundaries in marriage are often clearly defined in marriage vows, the performance of the ceremony which publicly demonstrates to their partner and those present that they are committing to a covenant union which clearly establishes boundaries in the marriage.
The boundary is this, what belongs to your spouse you cannot give away to another without breaching the boundaries of this covenant relationship.
To restore and heal is possible, your next step demonstrates courage and honour. Remember if it costs you nothing then so is its value. Connect with us today to see how we can help you to heal and restore.
Healing After Betrayal
At New Hope Counselling Centre we have seasoned marriage and family therapists and counsellors who specialize in affair recovery. Through our training, education, and experience we are well able to help you through this difficult time, bringing you hope, healing, restoration and freedom from pain.