health | New Hope Counselling

Men Die Earlier and Suffer More

James Miklos, MCC, R.P. in Counseling and Psychology — Thu, 01 Dec 2016 18:24:49 +0000

Men Die Earlier and Suffer More

When it comes to men’s’ health issues, both men and women are equally apathetic. A radical feminist joke goes like this, “Why do men die earlier than women? Because they deserve it!” Some of you reading this might be quietly say, “Yah, I agree!” As odd as it may seem I too have had antagonism towards other males. In my case I was neglected and verbally abused as a child. My father also as a child he was neglected and physically abused. In many similar cases the legacy of abuse continues. The cycle just keeps going on and on.

A friend of mine who is a once told me that when you think of all the abuse, pain, tyranny, and violence in the world it is all because of men and their testosterone. He said this, of course, out of his own pain which related to the abuse his father bestowed on him as a child.

Before I go any further it’s important for me to say that men aren’t any more evil than women or for that matter any more holy than women. I believe that abuse is the culprit. It skews our perception of people, things, and even our very own existence!

There are a great number of very good men. In my life I have had, at times, surrogate fathers and mentors. I’ve had some very loyal and good male friends throughout my life. Often times I will ask clients why they chose to come and see me rather than a female counsellor or therapist. On some occasions I have been told, “It’s because I wanted to know that there are good godly men out there, so that I can heal and be able to believe that not all men are abusive.”

Men suffer more and die earlier than women! An ignorant or bitter person might say, “They caused it anyway and don’t deserve any compassion!” This is tragic. Men die about 7 years earlier than women on average.[1] The suicide rate for men is 4 times higher than in women.[2] A man is pressured to be a superman by society, themselves, responsibility, the need for recognition, other men, women, and other factors. Men, in general, tend to be winning competitors as Steve Wells so eloquently puts it, “…they come out ahead in a huge number of areas (they love winning competitions!), such as cancer, heart disease, respiratory diseases, accidents generally, and motor vehicle accidents specifically, diabetes, and the list goes on.”[3]

Men don’t even seem to care about themselves. Some of my friends who pastor churches have told me through the years that 70% of all the volunteers, givers and purchasers of spiritual help materials in churches are women and only about 30% of those are men.

All too often we men don’t take care of ourselves and sometimes even of others. Why? I believe that one major factor is that no one properly ever cared for us! We as men need to be proactive in taking responsibility for the care of ourselves and that doesn’t mean going to a bar for a beer!

Generally speaking women will go for psychotherapy, naturopathy, exercise, yoga, church, massages, manicures and pedicures and probably a whole lot more! What will guys do? Not much…because much of what I just mentioned is perceived as feminine [especially the pedicure part (LOL)]! When I ask men in my office about when they last went to the doctor for a physical check up, often they don’t remember or never have gone.

In the book Vital Touch, Heller says that infant boys get less physical touch than girls.[4] Infant boys in some ways need as much or more touch from parents as an infant than girls for one major reason and that is that boys already are born with a greater physical inability to be sensitive to physical touch. Physical touch in infancy and childhood promote the following: healthy attachment, better communication, health, physical and mental growth, assures smooth physiological functions in breathing, heart rate and digestion, supports a healthy self-concept, body awareness and sexual identity, as well as enhances their immune system, and externally it even enhances their ability to be graceful and stable in their movements. Healthy physical touch determines the outcome of the child and how they will function throughout their lifetime.

Boys are at a disadvantage in our culture, before they are even nurtured and developed they are expected to be the provider, the protector, the nurturer and by the way don’t forget about superman. We should stop and think or should I say rethink what society says we ought to be. I have often had couples come in for marriage counselling and the woman has complained about how their husband is so insensitive. I usually make a comment somewhere in there that we men were taught to be like John Wayne or the Marlboro man – why? Because, these are images of strength images of courage! But what about the images of the nurturing father, the shepherd of the sheep, the mentor?

But before that can happen we men need to rethink who we are or should I say, should be.

All too often men don’t do anything about taking care of their health until it’s almost or is too late…after their entrails are dragging on the ground they may go to their physician and ask if they have a problem.

The Australian Bureau of Statistics Mortality Atlas Australia (December 2002) shows that the death rate from the main causes of death is generally higher for men than women. The average death rate per 100,000 persons (1997-2000) includes:

Malignant (cancerous) tumours – 237.8 males compared to 146.7 females

Ischaemic heart disease – 190 males compared to 119.9 females

Cerebrovascular diseases (strokes etc) – 65.9 males compared to 65.8 females

Chronic lower respiratory diseases (lung problems)- 46.6 males compared to 23.2 females

Accidents – 35.6 males compared to 17.7 females

Suicide – 21.9 males compared to 5.5 females

Diabetes mellitus – 18.8 males compared to 13.6 females

Influenza and pneumonia – 13.6 males compared to 11.4 females

Motor vehicle traffic accidents – 13.1 males compared to 5.5 females.[5]

This problem is not an Australian one it is a worldwide problem. The International Society of Men’s Health (ISMH) is one of the very few organizations that are attempting to address this issue. The theme of the Men’s Health World Congress in 2009 was, Men suffer more and die sooner. In the following words of their March 2010 journal they point out this pervasive problem particularly in the western world:

The course of many physiological and diseases is more severe in the male gender. The gender differential is unfavorable to men in their experience of stress, as it is more likely to manifest in men as debilitating physical, mental, and behavioral conditions than in women. Furthermore, relatively greater exposure to violence and injury and elevated behavioral risk increase the frequency of debilitation and premature death among men.[6]

Many generations ago it used to be that men would live longer than women now we know it’s the other way around. Why? I have already addressed some of this but here are some thoughts attempting to answer this question: The lack of healthy physical touch for boys in infancy, the neglect and abuse as a child prior to the age of 12, the modeling and teaching in our homes, schools, and of our society that men are supposed to be indestructible and able to solve all problems on their own, and how about, ‘boys and men are not supposed to cry, need help, or show any weakness!’ I’ve even heard women tell their husbands that when a man cries it disgusts them. Men are already wired for less emotional sensitivity but society promotes that even further and shames men who may show emotional sensitivity.

For the most part I believe the biggest problem is that men in our society are taught as infants to be emotionally calloused and detached. The more emotions that are repressed the higher probability of the onset of serious illness resulting in early death. The only emotion that appears to be socially acceptable in men is anger, this is often the only emotion men are aware of within themselves and guilt often the least. The deception of anger is that it appears to be a primary emotion, but really anger is a result of the hidden primary emotions such as shame, guilt, fear, and sadness (resulting from hurt). To properly heal from our deep inner pain we first need to connect ourselves to our right brain – our emotional self. Spiritual, emotional and physical violation (sin) causes pain; this involves neglect, ignorance, and abuse. Without self-awareness of our primary emotions we cannot begin to heal. When enlightenment and understanding come, then pain may follow, the pain of our own condition, but this is can be a good thing. When we take responsibility, which gives us the ability to respond, we then have hope. With qualified help we can move towards our healing towards our own salvation.

As I have helped men get in touch with their own inner condition and helped them in their journey towards wholeness I begin to hear and see their remorse, their transformation, and then compassion surfaces. Stephen R. Covey says, “People are very tender, very sensitive inside. I don’t believe age or experience makes much difference. Inside, even within the most toughened and calloused exteriors, are the tender feelings and emotions of the heart.”

We men don’t have to fit the mold that was past down to us, we don’t have to known as calloused and uncaring; we don’t even have to die earlier or suffer more. Since going for help myself I have come to the revelation that I am not meant to solve all my problems or support myself alone, I am supposed to seek out qualified help; for my spirit I have a pastor, for my mind/emotions I have a therapist, for my physical wellbeing I have a physician, and a naturopathic practitioner.

There is hope for us! All it takes is courage and willingness to ask for assistance from a qualified person. Invest in yourself today, you are worth it!

[1] Source: Why Men Die Early Than Women, http://www.thehealthnews.org/news/08/06/15/men.early.die.html, THE HEALTH NEWS, 2008.

[2] Source: Why Men Die Earlier And Suffer More, http://www.eftdownunder.com/blog/?p=19, Energy Provocateur, 2009.

[3] Ibid.

[4] Source: Heller, Sharon, Ph.D., The Vital Touch, (Henry Holt and Company, New York, 1997).

[5] Men’s Health, http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Men’s_health, State of Victoria, 2008.

[6] Meryn, Siegfried, M.D., Young, April M.W., Ph.D. “Making the global case for Men’s Health”. http://download.journals.elsevierhealth.com/pdfs/journals/1875-6867/PIIS1875686710000035.pdf, (Journal of Men’s Health, Vol. 7, No. 1, pp. 2–4, March 2010).

Written by: James A. Miklos, M.C.C., R.P. - James has been counselling, and providing psychotherapy for over 30 years, is a public speaker and writer.

© 2025 James A. Miklos. All rights reserved. To copy or quote any of this material this entire citation and credit must be posted.

Staying Healthy: Emotional Stress And The Immune System

James Miklos, MCC, R.P. in Counseling and Psychology — Tue, 15 Nov 2016 18:01:05 +0000

In the dead of winter about 10 years ago I went through a number of emotionally trying situations all taking place within a relatively short period of time. My wife tried unsuccessfully to console me. It was a difficult time. We just had a number of things happen in our church that were emotionally painful. Even though logically I could analyze what had happened yet emotions tend to override all logic. These incidents resulted in about two months of illness including high fever, swollen tonsils, sinusitis, and abdominal issues culminating into Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS).

The spirit, mind, body connection is so evident to me as I live my life but it was not so evident back in those days. When we face emotional stress such as dealing with a difficult person, being fired, losing a job, or an environment of constant conflict this eventually results in different forms of illnesses. Some of these illnesses are acute and some are chronic, possibly not showing up until months or years later.

Is there a solution? Is there hope? Absolutely yes! I remember one time talking with my holistic health care provider and asking him if there was hope for me. He smiled reassuringly and told me that I was going to be healthy and not to concern myself over it. There is hope for you!

Immune System

The immune system is quite complex and to fully explain it here would be impossible. However, I will attempt to give you some key components so that you can understand some of its basics.

The immune system works from the bone marrow all the way to the outer layer of the skin. Even though the following organs and tissues have other purposes, yet the immune system is supported and operates from these:

Thymus

The Thymus is located under the breastbone and is at its peak during adolescence.

Bone Marrow

Produces lymphocytes—T-cells and B-cells and sends them through the lymphatic system to secondary organs.

Lymphatic System

The lymphatic system runs throughout the entire body and consists of nodes. Many of these are in the chest, neck and head. They are connected to our organs, in particular the spleen, tonsils and thymus.

Intestines

Here is where many white blood cells reside and are tagged for “specific service”. When our intestines do not function well our immune system loses its potency. Intestines are particularly vulnerable to disturbing emotions.

Spleen

The spleen is found in the left upper quadrant of our abdomen. Its function primarily is to remove old red blood cells and to hold a reserve of blood in case of hemorrhagic shock. The spleen also synthesizes antibodies and removes certain kinds of bacteria through blood and lymph node circulation.

Tonsils

We have two tonsils, one located on each side of the back of the throat. Tonsils are part of the Lymphatic system and are said to tag white blood cells for certain tasks. Tonsils are the first line of defence.

Liver

The liver is located mostly on the right side of the body and primarily sits under the ribs though it does extrudes beyond that. The liver a multi-functioned organ which directly and indirectly effects our immune system. The liver is a mediator of systemic and local innate immune regulation.

Appendix

What was once considered a useless appendage in our body now is showing its value in helping to maintain a healthy immune system. Some new research indicates that the appendix harbors and protects bacteria (probiotics) that are beneficial in the function of the colon.

Emotional Stress and Illness

Unfortunately mainline medicine (allopathy) treats primarily the symptoms that arise in our bodies. But, there are many physicians who are now asserting that between 80-95% of all ailments reported by patients are the result of unresolved emotional issues, grudges, and emotional stressors. Natural health care practitioners are trained to treat the cause rather than the symptom.

In an earlier blog I wrote about how the spirit affects the mind and body, the mind effects the spirit and the body. In the end the body is affected and will eventually “kick back”! According to biblical teaching all physical illness is the result of spiritual ailment(s). When we are spiritually, mentally, emotionally ill we eventually become physically ill. In acute cases we may suddenly get a virus, or some infection due to an emotional shock or overload of some kind. In chronic disease cases this is due to long held unresolved emotional issues.

In the beginning of this article I wanted to point out that emotional stress could cause sickness in our body because our emotions either support healthy immune function or they shut it down. If we are in a constant state of hyper vigilance (fight or flight) we will unconsciously be constantly suppressing our immune functions and after awhile this will develop into serious illness(es).

Wisdom Factors

I could give you a list of things to do, but there are hundreds of such lists on the Internet and in books. Instead I have a few thoughts to share with you.

It is also important to consider other things such as environmental stressors on our immune system of which we need to be aware so that we can support our body’s health. Such things as wearing suitable clothing when it’s too hot or too cold, drinking clean water, eating properly, exercising, taking proper supplements, etc.

A big mistake I used to make was that I could figure it all out myself, or I could do it all myself and save the money! But, I have discovered that being your own mentor, coach, therapist, physician, or spiritual leader is a disaster in the making! By relying on other qualified people’s help I have saved money, aggravation, time and as a result have gotten light years ahead in self-improvement and empowerment. Investing in yourself should be top priority. Besides, if you won’t nobody will do it for you! Remember, “Love your neighbour as yourself.” Loving and supporting yourself will put you in a healthier position to love others more appropriately.

For a quick questionnaire online to help determine your level of emotional stress go to: http://www.carolespiersgroup.co.uk/questionnaire.html

For consultation or therapeutic help you can contact me at (905) 633-7410.

Pathway to Better Health

James Miklos, MCC, R.P. in Counseling and Psychology — Thu, 21 Jul 2016 18:47:23 +0000

In 1890 Pavlov, a Russian physician and , accidentally discovered, through investigating the dog’s gastric function, the response that he called Classical Conditioning. Classical Conditioning can be defined as, “conditioning in which the conditioned stimulus (as the sound of a bell) is paired with and precedes the unconditioned stimulus (as the sight of food) until the conditioned stimulus alone is sufficient to illicit the response (as salivation in a dog)… “[1] In plain words classical conditioning is when something happens often enough the subject begins to elicit a response be it physiological, emotional and/or intellectual. So if something happens to us or doesn’t happen to us often enough we develop an automatic response or should I say reaction. We all too often react instead of respond and that is because we have been conditioned to do so.

So when someone shuts down and gets quiet as an individual or when someone starts flipping out (screaming, yelling, profanity, etc.) these are conditioned responses, they are reactions! We are all conditioned whether or not we like the thought of it or not. The good news is that we can alter the conditioning we have received.

To alter our conditioning is to alter body function as well. As in my last article I discussed in some length how the spirit, mind, and body affect the body. A simple test can be done with a conscious thought. The next time you are lifting a weight think of a sad face and notice the strength that you have, then in turn think of a happy face and do the same thing and again notice the strength you have. I think you will be surprised to see how thinking of a happy face can give you more physical strength. I often use this kinesiological method to demonstrate this point more affectively. The point being is that the conscious mind can and does affect the body’s strength, how about the unconscious mind’s ability to affect the body? The unconscious mind’s ability is so powerful it can cause a person to faint at the sight of blood, to jump when startled, to determine the quality of sleep, the depth of breathing, raise and lower blood pressure, influence digestive processes, and much more. If the unconscious mind is able to do this on a relatively short timeline what about days, weeks, months, years, or decades later? Can chronic illnesses have a root cause of unresolved unconscious issues? The answer is yes. Both acute and chronic illnesses manifest in the body due to unresolved emotional issues often deeply buried in the unconscious mind. I realize that pathogens can be the culprit but why do some contract the illness while others do not? The answer lies in the deep-seated beliefs of the unconscious mind and body.

It is a sensitive matter to discuss the possibility that illness has a direct link to the way we have been conditioned to live our lives. When discussing this connection between spirit, mind to the body either our society dismisses this as foolishness or becomes upset as though they are being blamed. Dr. Gabor Mate, M.D.’s book, “When the Body Says No”, speaks of a fifty two year old university professor that vocalized her anger at him for writing about how the mind affects the body, she told him, “Why are you writing this book?… I got cancer because of my genes, not because of anything I did.”[2] I feel sad for those that are suffering physically and mentally, but what causes me even more sadness is when the message is misunderstood and the hope for positive change is lost. It is unfortunate that people can misinterpret this message as being a form of blaming the victim as though their illness or death is a personal failure. Blame and failure isn’t the issue rather the focus is on finding the cause and affect and working towards restoration of health and wellbeing. All too often there is confusion between blame and responsibility. Dr. Mate said, “While all of us dread being blamed, we all would wish to be more responsible – that is, to have the ability to respond with awareness to the circumstances of our lives rather than just reacting.”[3]

The first step is to become aware of the truth that the spirit, mind and body are all intricately connected and what happens in the spirit/mind affects our body. Plato quoting Socrates said, “This is the reason why the cure of so many dieseases [sic] is unknown to the physicians of Hellas; they are ignorant of the whole. For this is the great error of our day in the treatment of the human body, that physicians separate the mind from the body.”[4] Without awareness we cannot take on true responsibility facilitating the change we are truly needing. This connection needs so desperately to be understood and embraced otherwise so many more will needlessly suffer and die. Becoming responsible is becoming aware, having the courage to take steps towards professional help, owning your own emotional reactions, and having them processed through to the point of healing. This process involves the healing of spirit, mind, and the body and leaving out any one of these is not wise.

If we understand that the universal order is always spirit first physical third then we can begin to embrace this ancient understanding of why our bodies are the way they are. Here’s a biblical quote that is worth considering, “…the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible…”[5] Freedom comes when we gain understanding with hope of a better tomorrow!

[1] Classical Conditioning, http://www.merriam-webster.com/medical/classical conditioning

[2] Gabor, Mate, M.D., When the Body Says No: the cost of hidden stress (Toronto: Vintage Canada, a division of Random House, 2003), 8.

[3] IBID, 8,9.

[4] Secrets Of Freedom From Headache, “Not tonight honey, I have a headache” http://www.singhneurology.com/headache-center.php

[5] Hebrews 11:3a, New King James Version, (Nashville, TN., Thomas Nelson, Inc., 1982).