For us to better function better in our life, marriage, and work we need to be able to identify emotions.

Life Enhancing Emotions 

We can now observe the opposites to these emotions:  

• Guilt and shame is opposite to Pride
• Self-pity to Gratitude
• Disgust to Happiness
• Fear to Curiosity
• Anger to Compassion
• Sadness and grief to Loved

Pride

There are a few definitions for pride but in this case we are understanding it in the context of self-respect where good feelings of pleasure, satisfaction, admiration and delight that arises out of ones accomplishments, abilities, qualities, and possessions that one has.  We get energy and thrive when we experience the good that comes from us, our talents and achievements.  When we feel proud we want to keep doing it and keep doing better and if we need to problem solve we can better tackle it.  This also gives us self-confidence.  Pride gives us confidence where we want to shine and be seen where guilt and shame compels us to feel less than where we want to withdraw and hide and possibly lie.

Gratitude

When we experience something good that is around us, given to us, or done for us we experience and feel appreciation.  The pleasure of contentment of benefits received.  Gratitude is something that we feel when we recognize good that has come to us and is expressed through words of appreciation and thanks.  We could also described it as when we are pleased.  When people are stuck in self-pity or a victim mentality all too often they cannot experience gratitude.  New studies have shown that gratitude is liberating and therapeutic in nature as are all Life Enhancing Emotions or Positive Emotions.  Self-pity is about self and the internal expense of ones self where you are the focus where gratitude is about others and the things around us, it is external and where the focus is on the good of creation, others, and what we have.

Happiness

Happiness comes from experiences that are pleasurable and have brought us contentment, joy, it is a state of well-being and contentment.  There are various levels of happiness that can range from contentment to ecstasy and euphoria.  When we enjoy something the experience regenerates us and refreshes us and promotes well being.  As in all emotions there are healthy and unhealthy sources and expressions of them.  Happiness draws that person, object or experience closer to ones self where disgust strongly rejects the such.

Curiosity

The emotion of curiosity is a complex one, but simply put it is the desire to learn and to know.  This emotion arises when we have a sense of safety and a hunger to grow as a person, this is more a felt sense.  Science has shown us that our brain makes new cells whenever we have a stimulating environment to think, feel, learn, hear, see, taste, touch, smell, and do something.  Unlike lust curiosity’s desire is to learn.  Curiosity is when we want to figure things out where we are inquisitive.  Curiosity moves forward where fear withdraws.

Compassion

Being compassionate or loving is a feeling we have towards others which helps us to grow and helps others to grow.  Compassion also helps us to feel satisfied and calm.  Compassion is a feeling and expression that touches our environment and others around us.  Compassion or loving is an emotional expression of great care, fondness, devotion, adoration, affection, warmth tenderness, mercy, understanding and concern.  Just like holding in or pushing away anger or sadness is not healthy for us neither is holding in compassion or feelings of love.  Love isn’t love until you give it away as the saying goes.  We feel it a greater more rewarding way when we allow ourselves to feel and express compassion and love.  Unlike anger that fights compassion helps and aids.  

Loved

When we feel loved we feel important and special which is meaningful to us because we feel nurtured and nourished in our sense of self.  When we feel loved we then begin to attach to another person.  We feel cherished where we feel held in deep affection.  When we feel loved we feel attracted and attractive to those who are loving and caring for us.  We feel connected to other people.  Healthy touch is a loving touch that is nourishing to our mind and body.  It is found that Oxytocin is secreted when we are touched in a loving way.  Loving touch is calming.  Loving words and and looks cause us to feel important and loved and loveable we are.  When we feel loved we grow stronger in our sense of self, securer in a relationship, where we can thrive where in contrast when we experience sadness and grief we feel weaker, less secure, more unstable, an emptiness and as though something has died or is dying in us.

Positive emotions or life enhancing emotions are a gift from above and when we are able to experience them more we are healthier, live longer, have better relationships, and become more resilient in life.  We need to work on these things and we can do that through therapies such as:

>> EMDR Therapy

>> Emotional Freedom Techniques Therapy

>> Psychosomatic Energetics 

>> Fraser’s Dissociative Table Technique 

At New Hope Counselling Centre we have the compassion, the hope and importantly the therapeutic approach that can help you to improve your happiness, marriage, healthy living, bringing you hope for a better tomorrow.  Call us today!

Serving Burlington, Hamilton, Oakville, Milton, Mississauga, St. Catharines and surrounding areas.

Defining Grief

Grief is defined by Merriam-Webster “as deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement”.  Some other words that that correlate with grief are affliction, anguish, heartache, sorrow, woe, and heartbreak.

Grief is the highest intensity of the basic emotion of sadness.  Everyone experiences grief as some point in their lives and numerously, but some are more resilient than others while others are stuck in grief and their very ability to live in happiness and joy seems to be an impossibility.  This type of grief is known as complicated grief, which has its root cause in childhood where there lacked secure attachment, household and life stability.  There is hope of recovery but it does take a concerted effort of consistent therapy on ones part.

When we lose someone dear to us then we will often experience grief.  Some unhealthy things people do would be:

• Ignore your feelings and thoughts.
• Thoughts only of hopeless loss.
• Spending too much time alone.
• Spending too much time keeping busy.
• Talking too little or too much about the loss.
• Have not time to grieve and reflect in a healthy manner.

How each individual handles grief can be quite different, even how each culture grieves the loss of a loved one can be quite different.  One thing for sure is that doing nothing is not the answer.  Getting healthy support from family, friends, socially, and therapeutically is essential to your quality of life.  If you push down your feelings they will stay if you courageously face your feelings and give yourself the nurture you need then you will be able to heal, move forward and have a bright future.

Symptoms of Grief

Your grief symptoms may present themselves physically, socially, or spiritually. Some of the most common symptoms of grief are presented below:

• Crying
• Headaches
• Difficulty Sleeping
• Questioning the Purpose of Life
• Questioning Your Spiritual Beliefs (e.g., your belief in God)
• Feelings of Detachment
• Isolation from Friends and Family
• Abnormal Behaviour
• Worry
• Anxiety
• Frustration
• Guilt
• Fatigue
• Anger
• Loss of Appetite
• Aches and Pains
• Stress

You may or may not experience all of the things in the list above but the knowledge of this can help normalize your experience, it is perfectly normal to experience some of these things.

Stages of Grief

We go through stages of grief and sadness and these stages of grief are as follows:

Denial – which protects us from overwhelming emotions and should not be confused with a lack of caring.

Anger – arises in grief where you can feel angry at professionals, yourself, the deceased and even God.

Bargaining – thinking about what could have and should have been done differently.

Depression – You may experience deep grief where you feel like you can’t move on.  Be sure to receive appropriate support and know that you can and will heal.

Acceptance – This is when you come to the place in your heart and mind that your loved one is gone from this earth.  This does not mean that you are alright with the reality they are gone but rather you have come to accept this.  This often comes in increments, be patient with yourself and again continue receiving the healthy support that you need.

Tips for healing when you lose a loved one:

• Embrace and accept your sorrow (grief) instead of ignoring it.
• Look to family and friends for support (avoid too much alone time)
• Seek the support and counselling of a counsellor or pastor.
• Engage in spiritual practices like reading the Psalms in the Bible, pray and meditate in a healthy way, expressing your heart and receiving the comfort of the Holy Spirit.  Attend a Bible believing church regularly.
• Be a part of a support group where you can share your story and receive support.
• Journal your feelings and thoughts.
• Allow yourself to not only feel your emotions but acknowledge them.  If you push them away they stay if you allow yourself to feel them and acknowledge them then you can begin to heal.

Be patient with yourself.  Know when you need to get professional help.  Leaving things too long will create further health and social issues in your life.  Start living and get the help you need today!

Debilitating sadness and grief can lead to health concerns, broken relationships, anger issues, anxiety issues and even panic attacks.  Getting the help you need today means that tomorrow you will live again.  The first step is to reach out and get the help and support you need.  Sometimes the help you receive from your loved ones is enough but when that isn’t enough then get the professional help you need.

At New Hope Counselling Centre happiness, healthy living, and hope is what we can help you with.  We are here for you!  Call us today!

Serving Burlington, Hamilton, Oakville, Milton, Mississauga, St. Catharines and surrounding areas.