Grief counselling
Support through grief, loss and bereavement.
Understanding the loss you are experiencing
Loss can affect your physical, mental, emotional, social and spiritual well-being. Grief, loss and bereavement are closely connected words, but each helps describe a different part of the experience.
Loss
Loss can involve the death of someone close to you. It can also involve divorce, losing a job or friendship, or changes in health after illness or an accident. Even a welcome change, such as moving, marrying, having a child or beginning a new job, may involve leaving something important behind.
Grief
Grief is a response to loss. It can bring deep sadness, anger, guilt, fear, hopelessness or confusion. Its intensity and the way it is expressed differ from person to person and from one situation to another.
Bereavement
Bereavement describes the experience of losing someone through death and the period of mourning that follows. Alongside the loss itself, you may have to deal with people, decisions or circumstances for which you feel unprepared.
Your experience is your own, even when parts of it are familiar to others.
Thoughts and behaviours when grieving
Some people find everyday tasks very difficult. Others appear outwardly unaffected. A person may feel purposeless, deeply sad, angry or even relieved. There can be a wide range of experiences to make sense of.
Changes you may notice
- Outbursts of anger or crying
- Talking much more or becoming very quiet
- Keeping unusually busy
- Feeling tired or finding it difficult to do things
- Moments of laughter alongside painful feelings
Thoughts that may arise
- “It’s my fault. I should have done something more.”
- “I can’t do anything about it.”
- “They had a good life.”
- “They’re in a better place.”
- “It wasn’t their time.”
You may wonder what your reactions mean or whether they are becoming a concern. Counselling can give you a place to talk about them without having to manage everything alone.
What does moving forward look like?
Each person’s experience of grief is unique. The support you need should take account of your loss, your circumstances and what daily life feels like for you.
Earlier experiences may also be useful to explore. These might include a lack of comfort or emotional connection during childhood, earlier losses, trauma or neglect. They are possible parts of your story to discuss, rather than an explanation that applies to everyone.
When grief is affecting daily life
If distress is persistent and is making daily life difficult, professional support can help you understand your experience. Concerns you may want to talk through include:
- Intense sadness that occupies much of your day
- Being preoccupied with the person who died or the circumstances of their death
- Strong yearning or longing
- Feeling empty or that life has little meaning
- Difficulty sharing positive memories
- Avoiding reminders of the person
- Bitterness or anger toward yourself, other people, medical professionals or God
- Little desire or motivation to pursue your plans and interests
These experiences deserve understanding. A list of symptoms or a quiz cannot determine a diagnosis on its own.
A supportive place to begin
James offers a supportive and accepting environment. Together, you can explore the stressors you are facing, ways of managing them and resources that may support you.
You do not have to go through this alone. Read Before We Meet to learn about the practice and how to take the next step.
Grief reflection questions
Reflect on these questions. Consider how often these experiences happen and how they affect you. You can skip any question and explore your concerns with James. There are no scores or diagnoses.
- What feelings come up when you think about the person you have lost?
- Do thoughts about this person make it hard to manage your usual daily activities?
- What feels difficult to accept about the loss?
- How do you experience longing for this person?
- Are you drawn to places or things connected with them? How does this affect you?
- Are there times when the loss still feels hard to believe?
- Do you feel angry about what happened?
- Do you feel shocked, dazed or unsettled when you think about the loss?
- Has the loss affected your ability to trust other people?
- Do you feel distant from people you care about or find it harder to connect with them?
- When do you feel most lonely?
- Have you noticed pain or physical symptoms that remind you of the person you have lost?
- Does life feel empty or less meaningful since the loss?
- Do you avoid reminders of this person? What feels difficult about those reminders?
- Do you feel envy or jealousy toward people who have not experienced a similar loss?
- Are you carrying bitterness or resentment about what happened?
- Do you struggle with feeling that it is unfair for you to be alive after this loss?
- Have you had the experience of hearing this person's voice? What is that experience like for you?
- Have you had the experience of seeing this person as though they were present? What is that experience like for you?
You do not have to work through these feelings alone. James can help you explore what you are experiencing and the support you need.
