Emotional Affair

What is an emotional affair? An emotional affair exists when certain emotional and intimate behaviour exists between two unmarried, uncommitted individuals that are outside of the bond of marriage (committed relationship).  An emotional affair mimics the emotional intimacy and closeness of a romantic relationship though never having had sexual or physical intimacy.  We could call this an affair of the heart.  In the words of an ancient hebraic spiritual master, “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”[1]

Often an emotional affair begins with someone you know, or someone you meet and begin to have conversation where you feel heard and understood. From friendship grows the possibility of an emotional affair, where there is progress towards greater attachment and intimacy.  The difference between a friendship and the development of an emotional attachment is where there is the appearance of an actual relationship, where there is the confiding of personal private information and when in moments of need you turn to this person for support.

An Emotional Affair Can Be Characterized By:

• Inappropriate confiding in this friend.
• Excessive time spent with them.
• Spending extra time on their appearance when they are going to meet up with their “friend”.
• Secrecy, lying, and deception.  A person involved in an emotional affair will hide information from their spouse, conceal rendezvous.  A true litmus test would be if there really was nothing happening then their partners would know and even be involved in the relationship mutually.
• Lessening of their partner’s importance to them.
• Possible increase of conflict in the marriage relationship.
• Putting down of their spouse.
• Emotional and sexual arousal will exist, but may at first masquerade simply as a true soul-mate or friendship.
• Possibly expectantly obsessing over phone calls, text messages, emails, etc.
• Denial of the attraction may exist.
• Increased usage in electronic devices where they are being constantly being used.
• Possibly there exists an increase in discussions about this new friend.  There is a repeated mentioning of this person.
• Less or a change in intimacy with your spouse.

Emotional affairs according to Shirley Glass, tend to be more common than sexual affairs.  In her  book, NOT “Just Friends”: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity, she says that 57% of wives and 44% of husbands experienced a strong emotional connection where they were intimate with their “friend” without intercourse.[2]  Sexual feelings in an emotional affair are usually denied in order for the illusion that the relationship is just a special friendship.[3]

If this is you or someone you know be assured that we can help you!  Contact us today to receive the help you need.

Footnotes

1. http://biblehub.com/matthew/5-28.htm
2. https://www.amazon.ca/NOT-Just-Friends-Rebuilding-Recovering/dp/0743225503
3. Source:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_affair