Help with stress
Making space to understand life’s pressures and work towards balance.
Understanding stress
Some stress can be part of exercising, learning and developing new skills. At other times, demands can leave us wound up and affect our quality of life.
Past experiences and present pressures can build on one another. What feels manageable to one person can feel very different to another.
Identifying stress in your life
Stress can involve major life changes as well as everyday pressures. Which of these are affecting you?
- Loss of relationships or things that matter to you
- Conflict, arguments or dealing with angry people
- Traffic, daily hassles, disappointments or difficult weather
- Concerns about weight or physical appearance
- Too little recreation or time to recover
- Financial pressures or home maintenance
- Work concerns
- Crime or abuse
- Sleep difficulties
- Having a baby, getting married or holiday demands
Remember the saying, “The straw that broke the camel’s back.” You do not need to wait until you feel completely overwhelmed to take your needs seriously.
Steps toward greater balance
It can help to give attention to the practical parts of daily life:
- Make room for movement, rest and activities that help you relax.
- Pay attention to sleep and eating habits, with qualified advice when needed.
- Consider how caffeine, tobacco, alcohol or other substances fit into your stress patterns.
- Have someone you can talk to.
- Keep a journal to notice your stress levels and what affects them.
- Develop time-management skills.
- Know your limits and when to say yes or no.
- Seek appropriate help with problems that are difficult to manage alone.
Noticing the effects of ongoing stress
Stress is something we can experience in both body and mind. Pay attention to changes in sleep, concentration, mood, tension and the choices you make when under pressure. Physical symptoms and health concerns deserve appropriate healthcare attention.
These changes can also affect relationships and our ability to be present for the parts of life we value.
Why do we respond differently?
Have you ever wondered why another person seems calmer in the same situation? Your history, relationships, past experiences and ways of soothing yourself may all be useful to explore.
Stress is personal. Counselling can offer a place to consider both current pressures and earlier experiences that may be part of your response today.
Support for moving forward
Living under constant stress can make it difficult to enjoy the present. Getting support is one way to invest in your well-being and give attention to what needs to change.
We are here to help you take a first step. Read Before We Meet to learn about the practice and how to get started.
Life-events questionnaire
These questions are for reflection and discussion, not a diagnosis.
About the original questionnaire
Holmes and Rahe (1967) developed a questionnaire called the Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS) for identifying major stressful life events. Adapted from the source Thoms Holmes and Richard Rahne. Holmes-Rahne Social Readjustment Scale, Journal of Psychosomatic Research, Vol. II, 1967.
View the 43 life events and values
|
Life Event |
Value |
|
|
1 |
Death of your spouse |
100 |
|
2 |
Divorce |
73 |
|
3 |
Marital separation from your mate |
65 |
|
4 |
Time in jail, detention or other institution |
63 |
|
5 |
Death of a close family member |
63 |
|
6 |
A major personal illness or injury |
53 |
|
7 |
Got married recently |
50 |
|
8 |
Fired from your job |
47 |
|
9 |
Marital reconciliation with your spouse |
45 |
|
10 |
Entered into retirement recently |
45 |
|
11 |
Major change in a family member’s behaviour or health |
44 |
|
12 |
Pregnancy |
40 |
|
13 |
Sexual difficulties |
39 |
|
14 |
Gaining a new family member through birth/adoption/older adult moving in/etc. |
39 |
|
15 |
A major business adjustment |
39 |
|
16 |
Major personal financial change whether it is better of than usual or a lot better. |
38 |
|
17 |
Death of a close friend |
37 |
|
18 |
Changing of employment or job |
36 |
|
19 |
Major change in the amount of arguments you have with your spouse. |
35 |
|
20 |
Recent new mortgage |
31 |
|
21 |
Foreclosure on a loan or mortgage |
30 |
|
22 |
Major change in responsibilities at work - promotion or demotion. |
29 |
|
23 |
Son or daughter leaving home. |
29 |
|
24 |
Troubles with the in-laws. |
29 |
|
25 |
Significant personal achievement. |
28 |
|
26 |
Spouse beginning or ceasing work outside the home. |
26 |
|
27 |
Beginning or ceasing formal schooling. |
26 |
|
28 |
Major change in living conditions - new home, remodelling, neighbourhood or home deterioration, etc. |
25 |
|
29 |
Change of personal habits - associations, quit smoking, dress, etc. |
24 |
|
30 |
Troubles with the boss. |
23 |
|
31 |
Major change in working hours or conditions. |
20 |
|
32 |
Change in residence (where you live). |
20 |
|
33 |
Changing to a new school. |
20 |
|
34 |
Major change in recreation (new, adjusted, quit, etc.) |
19 |
|
35 |
Major change in church activity (less or more). |
19 |
|
36 |
Major change in social activities as in clubs, movies, visiting, etc. |
18 |
|
37 |
New loan. |
17 |
|
38 |
Major change in sleeping habits, whether more or less. |
16 |
|
39 |
Major change in number of family get togethers. |
15 |
|
40 |
Major change in eating habits (more, less, different food or hours or surroundings). |
15 |
|
41 |
A vacation. |
13 |
|
42 |
Major holidays. |
12 |
|
43 |
Minor violations of the law such as traffic tickets, disturbing the peace, etc. |
11 |
Original scoring information: requires review
Of the 43 life events is given a number which represents a Life Changing Unit depending on the extent that each event has on an individual. Add up all the points you have in order to find your score and to determine the level of stress you are living with.
0-150 You have a low susceptibility to stress-induced illness.
150-300 You have the risk of 50% of contracting a major health breakdown in the next 2 years, without immediate help.
300+ You are at 80% for developing major health issue(s) in the next 2 years unless you obtain immediate help.
Explore James’ approach
Read about EMDR therapy and James’ approach, then discuss what support is appropriate for your circumstances.
