How To Meet Your Wife’s Number One Need: Affection
Women need to feel from their husband a gentle feeling of fondness; affection if you will. They crave gentleness, tenderness, warmth, devotion, endearment, where they feel cared for.
Affection can be expressed in numerous ways. Some of these ways can include: physical, non-sexual affection like hugs, kisses, holding of the hands, a gentle touch as you are near her. Other ways can include a gentle tone of voice, words that create in her a sense of endearment. Gifts given and helping out can express this as well but in a more limited sense when it comes to affection. Affection needs to be intimate and emotionally connecting, meaning, it needs to be from sincerity of the heart. (Find out more how you can have the marriage you dreamed of).
I have found that women generally desire and appreciate affection in one of three ways:
- Physical non-sexual touch
- Verbal words of love and affirmation
- Both of the above
Physical Touch
Few key points will help you to understand what your partner needs and how to meet it. Some men have reported to me that their wife doesn’t respond well to non-sexual touch, there are numerous reasons for this. A few of these reasons can be that your timing is off, for example she is in the kitchen getting supper ready and you approach her from behind and want to express affection to her but she rejects you or ignores you, your timing needs to improve as well as your communication. Remember just because you want it doesn’t mean that your partner does at that moment. Communication such as asking her before you touch, waiting for the right moment when she’s done her task then approach her. Remember women do not like it when men just want sex or are emotionally needy and that’s why they are touching them.
Intimate touch can also include things like direct eye contact with a look of love. A loving gaze into each others eyes is important, even a loving playful wink, or blowing of a kiss.
physical affection can also include:
- kissing
- nibbling on your partner’s ear
- playing footsies
- briefly rubbing your partner’s back
- holding hands
- sitting close to each other where you are making physical contact with each other
- cuddling
- hugging
- ticking your spouse’s arm
- walking with each other’s arms around each other’s waist
Physical closeness and healthy touches of endearment are crucial to igniting love in your marriage and definitely in your wife.
Words of Affection
Words of affection involve predominantly two areas of expression.
1. Praise – Words of praise involve the expression of gratitude and affection concerning things that she does. Things like, “You are an amazing cook!” “You always dress nice.” “You are always so good at organizing.” “You are a good mother to my children.” The list goes on and on, but the key point here is that these words of expression are directed towards telling her all the amazing things she does.
2. Adoration – Words of adoration involve expressions of love for who she is rather than what she has done. Such words can be, “I love your blue eyes.” “You are so beautiful.” “I love your cute smile.” “The way you walk is so elegant.” “You are brilliant.” There are numerous choices of such expressions you can say to her. Words of adoration are important because each woman wants to feel that she is the centre of your universe.
Conclusion
Just like sexual intimacy is a man’s number one need so is affection for women. Without affection a woman will not respond well and her number one need won’t be met. Yes, there are other key factors to meeting your wife’s needs but his one is number one. Often men need to be coached along these lines which then helps them to succeed and end up with a marriage that is filled with passionate love.
Written by: James A. Miklos, M.C.C., R.P. - James has been counselling, providing mental health therapy for over 30 years, is a public speaker and writer.
