Defining Grief

Grief is defined by Merriam-Webster “as deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement”.  Some other words that that correlate with grief are affliction, anguish, heartache, sorrow, woe, and heartbreak.

Grief is the highest intensity of the basic emotion of sadness.  Everyone experiences grief as some point in their lives and numerously, but some are more resilient than others while others are stuck in grief and their very ability to live in happiness and joy seems to be an impossibility.  This type of grief is known as complicated grief, which has its root cause in childhood where there lacked secure attachment, household and life stability.  There is hope of recovery but it does take a concerted effort of consistent therapy on ones part.

When we lose someone dear to us then we will often experience grief.  Some unhealthy things people do would be:

• Ignore your feelings and thoughts.
• Thoughts only of hopeless loss.
• Spending too much time alone.
• Spending too much time keeping busy.
• Talking too little or too much about the loss.
• Have not time to grieve and reflect in a healthy manner.

How each individual handles grief can be quite different, even how each culture grieves the loss of a loved one can be quite different.  One thing for sure is that doing nothing is not the answer.  Getting healthy support from family, friends, socially, and therapeutically is essential to your quality of life.  If you push down your feelings they will stay if you courageously face your feelings and give yourself the nurture you need then you will be able to heal, move forward and have a bright future.

Symptoms of Grief

Your grief symptoms may present themselves physically, socially, or spiritually. Some of the most common symptoms of grief are presented below:

• Crying
• Headaches
• Difficulty Sleeping
• Questioning the Purpose of Life
• Questioning Your Spiritual Beliefs (e.g., your belief in God)
• Feelings of Detachment
• Isolation from Friends and Family
• Abnormal Behaviour
• Worry
• Anxiety
• Frustration
• Guilt
• Fatigue
• Anger
• Loss of Appetite
• Aches and Pains
• Stress

You may or may not experience all of the things in the list above but the knowledge of this can help normalize your experience, it is perfectly normal to experience some of these things.

Stages of Grief

We go through stages of grief and sadness and these stages of grief are as follows:

Denial – which protects us from overwhelming emotions and should not be confused with a lack of caring.

Anger – arises in grief where you can feel angry at professionals, yourself, the deceased and even God.

Bargaining – thinking about what could have and should have been done differently.

Depression – You may experience deep grief where you feel like you can’t move on.  Be sure to receive appropriate support and know that you can and will heal.

Acceptance – This is when you come to the place in your heart and mind that your loved one is gone from this earth.  This does not mean that you are alright with the reality they are gone but rather you have come to accept this.  This often comes in increments, be patient with yourself and again continue receiving the healthy support that you need.

Tips for healing when you lose a loved one:

• Embrace and accept your sorrow (grief) instead of ignoring it.
• Look to family and friends for support (avoid too much alone time)
• Seek the support and counselling of a counsellor or pastor.
• Engage in spiritual practices like reading the Psalms in the Bible, pray and meditate in a healthy way, expressing your heart and receiving the comfort of the Holy Spirit.  Attend a Bible believing church regularly.
• Be a part of a support group where you can share your story and receive support.
• Journal your feelings and thoughts.
• Allow yourself to not only feel your emotions but acknowledge them.  If you push them away they stay if you allow yourself to feel them and acknowledge them then you can begin to heal.

Be patient with yourself.  Know when you need to get professional help.  Leaving things too long will create further health and social issues in your life.  Start living and get the help you need today!

Debilitating sadness and grief can lead to health concerns, broken relationships, anger issues, anxiety issues and even panic attacks.  Getting the help you need today means that tomorrow you will live again.  The first step is to reach out and get the help and support you need.  Sometimes the help you receive from your loved ones is enough but when that isn’t enough then get the professional help you need.

At New Hope Counselling Centre happiness, healthy living, and hope is what we can help you with.  We are here for you!  Call us today!

 

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