Without this crucial factor a marriage will never work. You can be committed to the relationship but without equality there will be no bliss in the relationship. Marriage relationships can be born but they have to be worked on regularly and professionally.
Equality isn’t just ‘human rights’, it’s for insuring passionate enduring love in your marriage. Let’s start by talking about what equality should look like in marriage. Equality needs to be objectively understood. Many times it takes a qualified person to help you to understand what it should look like in your relationship. For now let’s just say it primarily involves justice. This takes a couple sitting down and discussing as two mature adults what their beliefs are, their likes and dislikes and what they are willing to do or not to do. These desires and requests should be respectfully considered by each party and discussed again until mutual understanding and willingness is reached. Call us today, you’re worth it!
Equality in love has to do with needs being met, support being equivalent, and respect of each other being primary. Equality needs to be understood as full disclosure and mature discussion along with resolution of issues and of the person themselves. There should be no skeletons in the closet!
Equality never holds the belief ‘I am just as good as you are’ rather the belief that ‘I will honour you and defer to you putting you above myself’. It goes without saying that this should be reciprocal. Sometimes it will take a qualified outsider to help sort things out. There is a scripture that I believe says it best, Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor…[1]. Equality in marriage isn’t necessarily that each partner needs to do the same thing as the other but rather equally carry the load of responsibility.
Let’s look at personal responsibility in light of equality. Each person in the relationship needs to take equal responsibility for the function or dysfunction of their relationship whether or not they feel responsible. In my years of counselling I have observed that where a marriage is in trouble the fault seems to lie somewhere in the middle. In other words, marital difficulty tends to be 50/50…sometimes it has other proportions, one being more guilty of sabotaging the marriage than the other, but it is never 100% one person’s fault. It’s vitally important in order for a marriage to work that each individual stop blaming the other for how they feel. This is very difficult because we usually feel hurt and other various feelings as a result of what another person has said or done to us. However, it is important to realize you have a choice how you think and perceive situations. My pain is my pain. Yes, it may have come from a hurt, a lack of meeting expectations, or a betrayal but you still have choices. When I feel the pain it’s not my partner who is making me feel this way, rather it’s me feeling the pain, therefore it is my pain. That is becauseI am experiencing the pain. All too often I see the blame game going on about past pains that have occurred, and all too often the pain is also associated with some childhood abandonment issue, abuse, neglect, etc. There is no denying that you are feeling pain but in order to heal each and everyone of us needs to take responsibility for our feelings, which is a sign of emotional maturity. Don’t blame – regain your life by accepting the pain as yours and get help to move forward. This in turn will liberate and empower your life. Call us today, you’re worth it!
Where there is equality there is responsibility, and where there is responsibility there is humility, and where there is humility there is true love.
References
[1] New American Standard Bible Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation, La Habra, Calif.
